I'm currently sitting on an overground train on my way out. Public transport combines all the things I hate most in life: strangers, smells, loud noises, and close proximity.
Right now I am surrounded by:
- teens shouting about nothing. Mostly just making loud noises and whoops and hollas. What I hate most about them is not what they are actually doing but the fact that their actions directly result in me feeling my age. F*ckers.
- an old man hacking into what looks like it used to be a handkerchief but now is simply a combo of dust and lint.
- someone speaking very loudly into a mobile phone in another language. If you're going to speak that loudly, at least let me understand it so I can live tweet your gossip. If you refuse to let me listen in but are still managing to penetrate my noise-cancelling headphones, shut up.
- a mid-something woman who is groaning at everything. When she got a seat I heard her moan for about 10 minutes as she rubbed her aching muscles....life isn't that hard lady and if it is for you, perhaps you should quit it. I don't want to brag but my mum is older than this woman and I've seen her scale a mountain. Shape up or ship out.
- a youth eating what can only be described as a used diaper from the smell of it. I want to find out where he got his food from just so I can never got there. Ever.
- another man on his phone that must be deaf as he just can't figure out that his phone is actually making beeping noises every time he touches keys on his phone. It must be really hard to be deaf. Imagine never hearing music, a child's laugh, the meow of a kitten, a funny joke or that loud, obnoxious, ear-piercing beep of different tones representing different keys on his cell phone. No wait...he's not deaf, he's just an asshole.
Now I've reached the main stop on the line and everyone has got off. I stay on another 3 stops.
It's really quiet now. Very creepy. I wish people were on here...,
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