It Wasn't Dead

There has been a spider under my computer desk in the classroom for about...oh I'd say...6 months now? Ya 6 months. Now, this is a computer desk built for children as well, so it is quite low to the ground and has a built in footrest for the kidlets' little legs. This is where it has taken up residence. I would never have known it's there except, when the kids sit on the carpet and they flop over to put their heads by their feet (happens often that they crumple like an accordion) they come eye-to-eye with Shelob. Surprisingly, none of them have screamed or freaked out about it, like I would have as a child. They just raise a quiet hand up and say "Ms. Thomas, there's a big spider under there."

The first time I heard this, I laid on my stomach to look under the footrest and nearly shat myself. This isn't a little house spider. This brown, hairy beast looks like if it uncurled its legs, it would stand as tall as my knees. I jiggled the entire desk, to see if it would move or scatter, but it didn't even budge. The class and I voted, and we believed the Hell-Beast to be dead. It's so gangly and awkward-looking, that the thought of even picking up it's rotting corpse made me cringe, so I left it where it lay.

Months have passed, and every so often when I change around carpet spaces, a new voice will pipe up about the spider and we'll all go through the same routine.

1. Crouch and squint under the desk with possible aid of mobile phone flashlight
2. Banging and shaking of the desk, without really moving the desk
3. Whole body shudder
4. Vote between alive or dead
5. Ignore that area of the class for the rest of the day/week.

Today, my life took a turn for the worse when Satan decided to awaken one of his minions to challenge me. Today, Shelob moved.

It all happened so fast that I didn't know how to react. Again, a fresh child pointed out that there was still, in fact a spider under the desk. We repeated steps 1-4, and when we were about to ignore the desk for a lifetime, I heard my first shriek. A little boy screamed out that the legs moved. Me, fully believing this child was a rotten liar, got down on the floor and put my head parallel to the floor, when it shot toward my face with high velocity.

A small side note, when I was about 10 or maybe 12, I was staying at my dad's one summer weekend. He had a deck outside his house, but it was on the second story. This meant that the entire first story of the house was in darkness and also there were major beams holding the deck up to the second floor. One day, frolicking in the back garden, I ran under the deck and back out. Another demon had woven a thick nest-like web in and around the beams of the deck. The web wrapped around my face - lips, nose, eyes, eyelashes - spider and all. The spider ended up crawling across my mouth until I screamed for my stepbrother to swat it off my face. This is my reality.

As this desk demon ran out toward me, I shot straight into the air like a cat thrown into water. Its legs really were up to my knees. The speed of it was unbelievable. It was the Usain Bolt of arachnids.

Of course, my pathetic, ridiculous, cowardly, obnoxious mature reaction tore the children in two groups. Half of the class could see how ridiculous and funny this moment was of seeing their teacher flip out. These are the kids who are already better than me. Then there were the other children, who fed off my nervous energy like oxygen to a flame. Soon, loud, uproarious laughter and screams were all you could hear echoing off the walls.

The worst part is, after I gained control and we all wiped the froth away from our mouths, that none of us tracked the rat. We have no idea where it has no taken up residence in the class. It must be somewhere but I haven't got the faintest idea where. I feel like this is now Guerrilla warfare and I'm about to get a tomahawk in the back of the head. I had no idea spiders could live that long without a food supply and could play such a wicked game of don't blink. Six months of being covert. I might be terrified, but I have the respect.