Looking back and moving forward

It's hard to believe but this time last year I was packing up all my things and preparing to move in with the 278 guys. A move that really changed my life for the better completely. When I think back to this exact day last year, I think I was in one of the lowest points in my life. Today, a year later, I woke up with a smile on my face that wouldn't leave my lips all day.

It's funny the places life takes you. Two years ago to the day, I would never have imagined I would have been moving to WH. Then last year, I never would have thought I'd be in a better, more secure place than I ever have been.

I wonder where life will take me next year but I don't really care. Knowing you have been so low and can come out of that place less than a year later gives me faith that everything will be alright no matter what. Without sounding too much like a Hallmark card, my life has shown me I can truly get through anything.

But happiness, like sadness, can be temporary. So it is important that you relish in the times when you are truly happy. When I'm upset about things, I obsess and replay them in my mind - a mental pushing of a bruise. Something stings, so I go over and over it to try to numb the pain. Well if I can do that with upset, then I definitely should do it was joy. I don't tend to fixate on the excitement or pleasure, but look for loop holes or escape routes. This is the year I am going to let myself be happy and take things in stride.

My stepdad once had a discussion with me about my nightmares. I used to have a major fear demons aka The Ring girl *shudder. He tried to logic me out of it. He said that if I could believe that there was that level of evil in the world, surely the universe would have a counter-force. If I could believe in the bad to such a degree, there must be something equally as pure or good. So if I was imagining something scary creeping in my room, I could just imagine an angel or good spirit there ready to stop it or battle it. He did end the conversation with, it's all made up crap anyway and there is no good or bad spirits hanging around, so I the point is somewhat moot now...but the concept to me also applies to sadness versus happiness.

If you can allow yourself to wallow in the sad or upsetting bits of your life, then why shouldn't you indulge the happy as well? Replay all the moments that give you butterflies from the night before and allow that smile to creep across your face when riding the train. If you are being neurotic about the hard times, equally fixate on the pleasant and allow yourself to fully feel it.

So we'll see where the next year takes me, but I do know I'll be letting myself enjoy more of it when I can.