A Story for Al.

It is the lovely, Alison T's birthday today. We've been very close friends since tenth grade, when I forced her to sit next to me in Mrs. Zeinstra-Dye's English class. I thought it would be fitting on her birthday to try to write down one of the many infamous stories we have together. There are numerous to choose from, but I think I'll try one that hasn't been told in a while.


One summer, all of our crew in high school travelled to the lake to stay at a friend's cottage for the weekend. One of the activities we were allowed to do was tubing in the water.

I had never been tubing before.
Neither had Ali.

So naturally, we put on our lifejackets and decided to give it a go without any instruction or assistance. We were maybe 16 or 17 at the time. I remember being in the middle of the tube, facing Alison and casually holding on. We were excited as we thought it would be similar to a theme park ride, calm bumping and twisting, along the scenic lakeside. No one told us tubing is a sport and requires a great deal of upper body strength.

As the boat rev'd up and shot off, I watched as the rope tying us to the boat began to uncurl and tighten up. Like a cartoon, I can envision in my head seeing the rope go completely taught then our body heaving behind. It was like the snap of a whip. The driver of the boat was a sadist and the reason I can say this confidently despite knowing he is the father of a friend I still have today, is because I swear I saw a smile on his face during all of this.

It was in this snap of the whip, that our unpreparedness got the better of us. Our bodies were thrown from the tube at such a force that I am sure we looked boneless...like rag dolls. The only analogy I have ever come across that accurately depicts how I picture it looked, is from X-Men. Rogue is in the car with Wolverine and says that he should really wear a seatbelt just as a log falls into the road and his body is thrown through the windshield. Click the link below to see how his lifeless body explodes from the car. This was us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AElabDAOqU

I vaguely remember landing on my neck/head and having the sense that Alison was nearby. In a daze, I floundered around trying to get my bearings. Then I heard it, the "what the fuck?!" exclamation from Alison's pretty blonde little mouth, followed by shocked guffawing. This was common for us, to always laugh. I felt like my fingers were still attached to the tube handles and that I probably was paralysed from the waist-down, but still we managed to laugh at the ridiculousness of what had just happened.

It wasn't long before the boat circled back and we heard that condescending, "I thought you girls had done this before? You have to lean IN to the wave break!" How the flying f*ck would I know to lean in and what the f*ck was a wave break?

The story doesn't end here though. We decided to give it another go and shrieked for the father to slow it down. We assumed the position again, Alison's legs squeezed in between mine which were spread apart like a dude. I blew gently on my reddish-purple fingers before holding on to the handles once more. The leg positioning is crucial to what happens next.

As the boat began to jostle us around at the pace of a toddler on a petting zoo pony, I'm not sure if it was the concussion I had just received or the cold water, but I felt the need to pee. Around the same time, some idiot shouted "go faster!" I'm not sure who it was because, like I said I was concussed.

Once again our bodies were bouncing lifelessly on the tube, but we did have the sense to hang on more tightly. It was this bouncing though, that caused me to lose control of my bladder as I have so often before. Unfortunately for Alison, her legs were directly in between mine. Bullseye. Direct hit. It's been years since I've told this story, so I'm not sure what I've exaggerated (none of it) or what actually happened, but I do remember her repeating over and over something like "it's so warm" and for me crying out in laughter "I'm peeing, I'm peeing!"

If I hadn't already known, it was reaffirmed then that Alison was a best friend or certainly my kind of friend. Anyone who knows me, knows you have to put up with a little pee and a lot of 14 year-old-boy-like behaviour. We laughed about this whole event so many times and I remember us tag-teaming the retell to other friends and our families. This story has been in the vault now for over 5 years, so I hope I did it justice.

Happy birthday Al. I couldn't have marked my territory on anyone better. Love always, xo.