Sleeping Beauties

I am back to work despite my terrible hacking cough, which is amplified when I come from the rather chilly outside, to a well-heated classroom and vice-versa. And now that I think about it, I seem to be doing a lot of outdoor yard duties as the weather cools down, even when I check the overall staff schedule and the teacher I am filling in for isn't down for any duties that day...hmmm... My cough is getting so bad that when I approach classes, children are likely cowering under their desks thinking Gollum is coming for their preciouses. (This joke beat out "the children think I am another one of Marge Simpson's sisters" and "the children think I am their creepy Uncle Marty who smokes two packs a day and always sits in the dimly lit corners at family get-togethers")

The past two days have been rather unreal though and super laid back. Schools are really gearing up for their Christmas assemblies, so most of the classes I have taught in are just practicing all day. I am actually surprised by how many Christmas activities the schools are doing, especially with the high Muslim population in London schools. One girl told the TA yesterday that her dad wouldn't let her sing about Jesus or Christmas in the play. To which the TA responded, "oh just sing 'cheeses' at the 'Jesus' bits." She shrugged and skipped off, totally chill with the whole thing. Hilarious.

Today, my reception class (British equivalent to our kindergarden) had to go watch a two hour assembly put on by the junior years. This included all the stations of the cross (look 'em up, there are a lot), songs, poems, prayers, and the story of Mary & Joe traveling to Bethlehem for Jesus' birth. All well and good, and beautifully put on, but about 30 minutes in, I felt a thud on my left shoulder. A dear boy, who had been trying to keep his heavy eyelids open, finally bit the dust and collapsed in a deep slumber on my shoulder. After that, it was like a pandemic. The moment the children saw one child give into temptation (pun intended) they all took it as being socially acceptable. It was like the movie The Matrix, when people in the matrix get unplugged in the real world and collapse dead. Children were dropping into coma-like trances and could not be roused. The boy immediately to my right slid off the pew and onto the floor and still would not wake up. The TA was silently howling at the scene and I was slightly panicking, worried that the other teachers would be judging me allowing them to continue to dream. We had to give in because: a) they are four, b) it WAS two hours, and c) they had ROAST BEEF for school dinner - any grown human would be a tad sleepy after a full roast meal for lunch. I had to take two children on my lap (the ones that seemed most likely to fall off the pew and crack their heads) and two leaning on my shoulders. The TA had several children collapsed on her as well. One little girl was snoozing so peacefully and making those cute sleepy noises and sucking her thumb.

I did feel bad for the juniors because we were in the front row and they were only a few feet away from us, singing directly at our class all the while their immediate audience weren't even conscious and it was very noticeable. Luckily, the head teacher saw us and mouthed 'how cute' so I knew I didn't have to start giving any of the kids hard jabs in the ribs to keep them awake.

Another successful teaching day completed. I really feel like I have fulfilled my calling being a cushion for children to snooze on and an observer of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer sang every different way possible. Welcome to the good life.