I forgot to mention that the other day my dear Moth brought it to my attention that she thought it was funny how in Seinfeld, George's dad invents Festivus as a substitute for Christmas. She cleverly drew a parallel between Festivus and her invented holiday of Humas.
Background:
One year, not too long ago, about a month before Christmas my mom began obsessively saying "well merry effing Christmas to me" or just "well merry Christmas to me." Let me give you a situation.
Katie "Mom, can you please iron my shirts?"
Moth "Well, on my day off? Hmm Merry effing Christmas to me"
When the lovely month of February rolled around, Sean finally burst and forbid my mom from saying merry Christmas any longer. Calmly, my mom looked at him and replied, "well Merry f*****g Humas to me."
Pure genius. I would like to say that my mom's calling was reached when she graduated top in her class at Laurier, or got married, or had a beautiful daughter, but nay nay, only when she came up with THE best word to respond, did she meet her potential. From that day, a lifestyle was born. We hashed out details in the kitchen soon after, deciding Humas would begin December 28 and end November 11 (when we REMEMBER Humas is over and we can again resume saying Merry f*****g Christmas) Our council met again this year however, and decided that November 11th is a tad used up, so we moved the ending of Humas to the 25th, and we remember because it's exactly a month before the big day. Humas spread like wildfire through my friends and our family, solidifying my mom's place among the greatest inventors.
Things that are funny in the Seinfeld situation:
1) Mom HATES Seinfeld with a deep rooted passion in her heart, so to hear her openly admit that something on the show was even mildly amusing is hilar.
2) She almost seemed to hint that Humas was a completely unique idea/invention that our family spawned and somehow Seinfeld even caught on to our idea (Humas is much newer than Festivus)
3) All this time, mom has thought that Sean and I were completely brilly-brills for rounding out the finer details of Humas, when the concept of a Christmas substitute/new holiday invention was something we no doubt were influenced by Seinfeld.
4) Mom DID in fact spawn Humas out of thin air and being an active hater of Seinfeld, it was purely of her own comedic genius that it came into existence. Basically saying that my mother is as funny as Jerry Seinfeld or Larry David AND I will go as far to say that if Seinfeld was never written, my mom would likely have written a screenplay for a show named Smeinfeld and had episodes such as "The Salad Nazi" "The After Eight" "The Handicapable Spot" and "The Ruffly Shirt"
She might also have written some other episodes such as:
- The Fortune Cookie aka The Nemesis
- The Hip Hop Class
- The Dog Salad
(Enquire within if you are unsure of any of these infamous tales of my Moth)
I have to give Humas props to the Schmenge brothers (1982-1983) who were immigrants from the country of Leutonia which celebrates its Christmas with a symbolic egg, a feast of "falutniks", and the "exchanging of the socks".
ReplyDeleteI think it was the great master of literature, Schmickens, who wrote in closing his masterpiece, "A Humas Carol": "and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Humas well, if any man possessed the knowledge". The "he" referring to "Schrooze".
ReplyDeleteSo, perhaps I was influenced by the wondrous work.
Merry Humas to all and to all a good night.
And no Baaahhh Hamsters.
I always wondered about the origins of Humas. Perhaps I should write a paper or monograph on it. Then in hundreds of thousands of years when there are no humans left and the aliens come, my book will be the only thing left. They will think that we worshiped a tasty dip and will honour the memory of humans with annual Humas celebrations. Karen will live forever in the memory of aliens on a distant planet. Sean and Katie will be the first apostles of Humas.
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