Fried Green Tomatoes

This morning should have been a major indicator of how my day was going to go, but as a glass half full girl, I really didn't anticipate the worst.

I bought new heels for my too-long pants I have for work. I picked out a super cute outfit in which my shoes matched the colour of my shirt exactly and I was looking good. I stepped outside and saw for the first time, it had snowed in Reading. My shoes were open-toed. Sucky, but I thought I could deal, plus if I changed my shoes, my pants would be, well...too long. So I trounced along, but the ground was so slippery, I could go half the speed I normally go to make the 7:01 train.

I finally made it, and to my surprise the train was delayed! What larks! That NEVER happens. So I could catch my train after all. Until I felt a giant snag in my stride, which jarred my delicate hobbit-foot from my shoe. I quickly slid my foot back in, but could not lift my heel. The heel of my shoe had lodged itself in a grate in the platform. Immediately panic set in, and I am not sure as to why because I wasn't in anyone's immediate way and I was not on train tracks, as so often is depicted in made-for-tv-tragedies. I pulled so hard with my foot, but it was not budging at all. I didn't want to use my hands yet, because that would have turned everyone's eyes to me. I stood there. I then really started to panic and used my one hand to pull up on the heel, all while masking my actions as me inspecting my shoe, not REALLY pulling at it. The train pulled away. As soon as it cleared the platform, I yanked my foot out, crouched, and with all my might, pulled with both hands. Only after 3 or 4 intense yanks, did it shoot out of the grate.

I caught the 7:25. I now know what kind of fear the kid in Fried Green Tomatoes was feeling.

The rest of the day progressed as painfully. I was in a year 1/2 class of THE worst behaved children. They also had uniquely Muslim names, which made attendance last about 20 minutes in the morning. After each name that I butchered, all the children shouted "NOOOOOOO HAHAHA IT'S NA-HEE-NA-NA-JA!" You know the power struggle has already been won, when the children know you can't even yell their name if they are being shits.

Longest day. We will see what becomes of tomorrow.

The Kids Are Alright

Well it's been a while (as Dub has reminded me). Things have been so busy lately that I haven't had a chance to update. Today was the first day that I realized I hadn't seen sunlight pour through my windows in nine days. I leave my flat every morning around 6:25am and get in around 6 or 7pm, depending on how late I have to stay after school. Either way, darkness surrounds me.

I absolutely love teaching. The kids are the cutest and they are just so funny. I have lucked out and been placed in an amazing school, so I have been a constant supply for them. I just found out I will be working everyday next week too, and two of those days will be in the fab school too. The staff is so small though, that I find myself hoping that one of them will have an accident, either an unwanted pregnancy or a broken leg/spirit so that they cannot return to work. That is the only way I can see myself getting a long term placement with them in the near future. I haven't quite reached the point of setting them up for these "accidents" but maybe with a few more weeks of commuting, Future Katie will take matters in to her own hands...I don't know, I am not her keeper.

The commute to my fav school:
-Every morning leave flat around 6:25
-Catch the 6:55/7:01 train to Paddington Station (approx 35 minutes depending on if the train is direct)
-Transfer to underground on the Circle/District Line
-Go one stop to Edgware Road
-Hop on Circle/Hammersmith line
-Off at Kings Cross
-Onto Northern Line - destination High Barnet, otherwise you are dealing with a new barrel of monkeys
-Off at Kentish Town
Whole trip takes about 1.5 hours, but has taken up to 3 hours one morning...

Like I said, a few weeks of this could lead me to kill a puppy so we will have to see.

Best quote of the week: When playing tag with the children outside, a boy came up to me and said "you must feel really sad that you can't even catch a 4 year old boy." He was taunting me. I could catch him...I was just being fair. I promptly tagged him and wrestled him to the ground. In your face kid.

Best name: Lord-Teon

Unfortunately now, I am beginning to get really sick with a cold/pneumonia. None of the sinks at the school have hand soap. I have resorted to carrying my own soap flakes to stay sterilized. I blame the past four days of only washing my hands under scalding water for this illness. I can't miss any school because I am only paid for days the school is open, and this term ends in 3 weeks. I need to save up my cash flow for the Christmas break. This is also unfortunate for the children, as I will be acting like the infected monkeys in the movie Outbreak, spreading the Phlegm Death to them. I will only take a day off if I am bleeding from the ears and even then, only if I can't patch it up with some cotton swabs. You better hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husband too...

Hey Nostradamus!

Had a fabbity-fab day today!

I signed a Guaranteed Work Agreement with the London Office, so as of Monday, I will not be out of work again! They even raised my salary and expenditures because of the extra commute I have to do now. Win.

I had a genuine Seinfeld moment today on the train to London Paddington. A crowd was gathering on the platform to get on the train, so when it arrived, everyone dashed on trying to get a seat. The train from Reading to Paddington takes about 30 minutes, so people obv want to sit down. There were four seats in the train car I was in, and the first one I went to, a bunch of people dashed for. Then I switched my pattern and went to the next available seat. Again, someone sniped my seat, and in the process, shuffled me into the bike/baby carriage area where I proceeded to loose my footing and break my fall on a leaning bicycle. The bike toppled over and my only response was "OOOOOOOOO" rhyming with "glue" not an "OO" rhyming with "dough." The high-pitched nature of my banshee call, caused every head to turn and see what I had done. I of course ran into the next train car and hid in a chair around the corner. Unfortunately I was still in earshot to hear a woman say to the man next to her "wasn't it funny how she just went OOOOO?!" Then I was overcome with pride that my ridiculousness made such an impression that people actually talked about it after I left. Unreeeeeal.

Also today, I had my first meeting with the Singles Club aka Reading Central Library Book Club. I was surrounded by 30-something men and a 20-something chick who bugged full blast. Those men catered to me like I was Cleopatra. I was surprised no one busted out a palm leaf to fan me with. Anyway, there were some real duds but overall an intelligent conversation about the book "Hey Nostradamus!". I do not however, recommend reading it...ho hum pigs bum. As I was leaving, the bbol walked me to where I had to go, because I was so turned around in the dark. I went to put my headphones in when I heard my name called. One of the 30-something year olds called me to walk with him. 10 minutes and 7 awkward pauses later, I found out he is recently divorced, moved from London to Reading, and this was his 3rd book club meeting.

Making "friends" isn't always what its cracked up to be.

Half Full/Half Empty

The great debate: are you a "glass half full" person or "glass half empty" person?

My answer is this:
What if the glass is half full of shit?

Then it doesn't matter if you are half full or empty, you still have a glass of shit and that just sucks.

I am a half full girl but half full of a glass of poop.

Today was one of the worst days of my life, but I still managed to laugh at the end of it. Partially thanks to the hilarious people I surround myself with everyday. Today's honorable mentions were Sean, Richie, and Julia.

I woke up to a call saying that my contract to teach was being terminated because a sheet of paperwork that my company was supposed to submit, was not yet submitted so I technically can't work in Reading. They were terminating my contract because they couldn't afford to pay a teacher (I have guaranteed pay even days I don't work) who wasn't able to work, even if it was their fault. So I am stranded, poor, and jobless. Luckily some great women at the head office thought it was awful what they were doing to me in Reading, so they are getting me work in London. There are only 3.5 weeks left of school term so this is how my sched looks for now:

3.5 weeks - teaching in London, commuting from Reading
January - resuming my contract with the Reading office, teaching an L.T.O (long term occasional, someone's maternity leave)
April - lease for my apartment in Reading is up, move to London and continue teaching there (this is a big maybe right now, it all depends how happy I am in Reading after my LTO)

This is a major simplified version that took me, Sean, and seven people at work to figure out over the course of the entire afternoon...and still nothing is set in stone.

Why I managed to laugh:
Mid breakdown, I told Sean that now I am going to have to turn tricks for money and prostitute myself out so I can eat. His reply: "Oh honey, no you'll dance first." Best response ever. Immediate laughter.

Rich and Julia are always hilarious, filling my head with unreal commentary and funny ways to look at the world. So blessed to have them in my life.

Anyway, my glass always seems to be steaming poop, but at least it's half full and not half empty.

Where Have All the Blue Pens Gone

When I moved here, I asked Sean if I should take a pencil case. He said no. I brought along one blue pen. I treasured this pen, it was one of those pens that you always seek out to use because it writes smoothly, you don't have to press too hard, it fits your hand exactly in circumference, and it is the perfect colour of dark blue. I used this pen a lot. Anyway, Pen was kept in the exact same spot when I got here and I never took Pen out of my room. Then two days ago I went to take down some information and Pen was gone. I used it two hours before on another note and I still had the note (to prove I wasn't misremembering)! I turned my room upside down looking for it. I mean, it is practically a cell, there are three places it could be: my bed, my dresser, or my counter. Gone.

So, after coming to terms with my loss, with my head hung I walked down to W.H. Smith, broke the bank, and bought TWO blue pens. I also bought a pen cup so I could store my new writers. Yesterday, I went to the pen cup and there is only ONE blue pen! What the fresh hell?! There is a blue pen whore in my room that is stealing away my writing utensils whilst I watch ER.

I will get to the bottom of this.

Also, at night my room is quite bright because I live on ground level and there is a street light that pours into my windows. I sleep every night with a sleep mask and every morning I wake up, without my mask on, and it has been courteously folded and placed on the pillow beside me. REM Katie is quite kind and tidy. I shall try to contract her out for other things such as look for Pen while I sleep.

Well...these are the stories folks. Not much happens when you sit by the phone, waiting to be called in to teach. Looking for Pen and waking up to a folded sleep mask three days in a row gave me quite a chuckle...

Let's all keep our fingers crossed the phone rings on Monday.

Two Wins and a Loss-ish

Sam and I went to a delicious pub roast on Sunday. Apparently this is a tradition to go to a pub for lunch on Sundays and start ingesting brews mid-aft...so we did. We had a full out roast with all the accompanying veg for lunch and a Strawberry Cider.

I noticed I began laughing a little harder at all our jokes about halfway through my potent beverage. But we continued and stumbled into the Westfield Shopping Centre (one of the largest malls in the UK). I was not in my Sunday best, due to the fact I thought we were just hanging out at a local dodgy pub. Unfortunately, where we entered, we were in the fancy section and area I cannot afford aka Prada, Tiffany's, etc...

It wasn't long before in my awe of fancy things, I bumped smashed into someone on my left side. I looked quickly, then stopped dead and grabbed Sam's arm. The guy was the actor who played Shaun of the Dead's friend in the movie. Who can remember his name, hence the delay in explaining to Sam whose shoulder I just dislocated. I made her stare at him as he lumbered along (he is not the most agile looking creature) with a woman. We then quickly looked him up on her phone and he was even wearing the same glasses as in the photo (see below)

I have never been more star struck. It was an unreal experience, meeting the friend of a famous person, who is predominantly famous in Britain for small films he has made with his buddies. Great win. His name is also Nick Frost, for those who want to google him and see why he seems distantly familiar in your memory.

Second on the docket is having successfully achieved Operation Friend. I have made contact with Ms. Next-Door Neighbour and we chatted about life. I know I have successfully made said friendship, because she said I could ask her tomorrow morning if I needed help finding the right bus to get to work. No one would offer unless she fancied me as a bestie. Right? Right.

Two wins in two days. I'd say things are coming up roses. My only other somewhat achievement (but also somewhat loss) is making the cut for a local book club. It was quite an interview. I literally had to apply and explain to them who I was and what kind of purpose I have in life, in order for them to allow me to see what book they were currently reading and meet with them December 6. They even threw in the "well you can meet us, we have a set of the novels however all the copies are out, so you will have to buy one if you want to join." A typical response I would send if I was trying to shake someone off. I responded with "Great! I am super excited! I will get the book tomorrow then meet you December 6!" Player won't get played. Then I looked up the book we were to read. The Night Watch by Sarah Waters. Let me show you a brief review:

"Having won critical acclaim and a passionate following for her genre of 'lesbian Victorian romp', as she once chirpily described it, it's a brave move to exchange the petticoats for an austerity cut."

Oh joy unbounded. Wikipedia says she is best known for her novels set in Victorian society... just my niche. I am sure I will be able to contribute meaningful comments toward the discussion in December. But I will not let them win, I will read it, then read online all the literary strands seen in the novel, and regurgitate them in the meeting. "All the copies loaned out" I'll show you.

Milk

On my way home from Greenwich (which was awesome by the way!) I quickly stopped by Tesco's Express because my bones were craving some calcium. I grabbed some milk and hobnobs for a late night snack. Unfortunately, I only saw "whole milk" on the container and forgot that in the UK whole milk = 4% milk. WHO NEEDS 4%? That's 2 more than we need back home. I think they literally squirt the milk from the teat into the jug. Needless to say, when drinking from the carton, immediately my mouth was covered with a filmy cream. It was like drinking a delicious glue or cheese. I had to drink twice as much water just to get the creamy coating off my tonsils.

Regrets...for myself and my bowel.

I love me some museums

Five museums in two days. Not so bad. Although after all the walking, I have been crashing on my bed around six every night. I am exhausted too because I have to stay awake relatively late to talk to any of my loved ones on skype. Today, I was at the Cole Museum of Zoology and managed to take some sweet shots. One particular photo, I needed to get more space because even at full zoom out, I couldn't get the entire display. Up until this moment, I was completely alone in the museum, with not a person in sight and it was so silent that the noise of my camera flash echoed. At this particular time, I take a large step back to get the picture I want and BOOM! I smash my entire upper body (including head) into the case behind me, just as a group of people walk by.

It was humiliating for four reasons:
-the loud crash my skull made on the glass
-the expression of surprise then pain that must have exploded onto my face, where the group of people could clearly see
-the age old display behind me, containing priceless specimens, was hit with such force that all the little things standing up in it fell over.
-in case the group were deaf and momentarily looking away, my camera still managed to take a picture with a huge flash, drawing their attention to me and the case

I fled the scene. Great picture though, no? (Snake skeleton)

Badger. Badger. Badger

The British LOVE their badgers. Exhibit A:

Flood

So as I have mentioned earlier, the people in my building don't like to clean too much. This would not be a problem, only that we share a kitchen and bathroom. On the first day, I decided to poke around (especially after seeing the state of my shower downstairs). I happened to fall down the rabbit hole and stumble across a heaven bathroom. It is bright, big, and beautiful. My shower stall, is a stand up with two sliding glass doors that encompass you like a coffin. The upstairs bathroom (equipped with tub) has a nice shower curtain and sparkling walls, I felt like George Costanza when he stumbles on the handicapable bathroom and hides it for his own usage.

When I bumped into the woman who lives next door, I asked if I could use either bathroom and she seemed confused. She said I could use the upstairs one, but why would I? I made up some lie story about being claustrophobic.

So today I took a gamble and snuck upstairs to shower. It was glorious! I smiled the entire shower. I even looked at the floor and noticed how shiny they were...the light was reflecting off of them.

Then, I got out of the shower.

Wet. I had flooded the ENTIRE bathroom. Like an inch of water filled it's huge floor. The shower curtain did not close all the way, pouring water into the bathroom. The shine on the floor that I had noticed, was amplified by the pool of water glistening above it. There was no toilet paper in the washroom (it is better to go to the bathroom downstairs but shower upstairs) and no hand towels. All I had was my beautiful, new towel. It had to take the bullet, mopping all the water, wringing it out in the shower because there was so much water I had to mop several times. I started to see the bathroom in a new light. The water had collected all the dust and hair from the floor, making a disgusting mass.

Needless to say, I have to change my tactics. I also have to buy a new towel, mine immediately went into the bin. Filth.

Maroon 5

When I'm wrong, I say it. (not) BUT I will admit that I was wrong about Reading. Today I fell in love with my city, it might be the best place I have ever lived...ever. I described it as living in downtown Toronto but if the city were built like Uptown Waterloo. Everything is accessible, there are so many stores, everything is in walking distance, and it is truly beautiful. 

My quality of life has sky rocketed because of:

-cobblestone streets

-small coffee shops filled with friends chatting

-winding roads

-beautiful architecture

-old churches and clock towers

-alleys filled with people

-warm, fresh air

It feels like I am constantly walking to the soundtrack of a Maroon 5 cd, easy listening, easy living.

Now I must commence Operation Friend. I must acquire one friend-ish by the end of this week, perhaps I will speak to people in my building (maybe not, anyone who can't clean a shower should not be alive let alone my friend, even if there is an "ish" attached).

One thing that will help me become friends with someone here, knowing the terminology/phrasing. I.E. SO many people say "are you ok?" and I immediately become defensive or awkward, not knowing how to respond. Sam told me that it is equivalent to our "How are you?" or"How ya doing?" So the correct response is to say "I'm fine, are you ok?" Vair vair weird, and hard to get used to. I am always thrown when people say it to me!

Anyway, Operation Friend has begun.