Mob Mentality, Head-banging Babies, and HHPB

My greatest fear in life is zombies. No joke and don't laugh, this is serious.

I hate the way they move, I hate the idea of isolation when hiding from them, I hate their super strength, and I hate their mob mentality. Now herein lies the paradox, as I am obsessed with watching zombie movies, especially those post-2000s ones which add the zombie element of speed and intelligence. What is the most intense part of zombie movies is that, if you have an overactive imagination like I do, the idea seems plausible that zombies/form of dead humans could rise up after being plagued by a virus.

I don't know if anyone has ever experienced what happened to me this morning, however, it happens about once every two years where I actually start to worry something has happened to the world and I have slept through it. Today, I woke up to complete silence from the rest of the house, which is very unusual as I am living with an ex-con and someone who works nights and gets in when I wake up. I thought nothing of it, until I hit the streets and walked to the train station (10 minute walk at 6:40 am) without seeing another human the entire length of my journey. Around the two minute mark I started to get really panicky as many people walk the main road to Reading Station and my fear was also compounded by the fact that I could hear my own footsteps the world was so quiet. At about the six minute mark, I began to do a slight jog, not wanting to be caught out in the open if suddenly mobbed by a team of angry, superstrong, speedy zombies. It wasn't until I was physically in the train station that I started to feel a bit comforted when I saw other riffraff standing on the platform. But HERE is the crazy part, even then my brain started to logic-away their presence too, maybe they slept through what I did. This group all looks a bit low-class, maybe they live in the same neighbourhood and the virus hasn't spread to them yet. She looks a bit sweaty, maybe she has been bitten but not enough time has passed... Anyway, my fear was wiped away when I saw my sweet tiny humans trot through the door but the eerie sensation still hasn't left me. To somehow justify my fear and satisfy my intrigue, I have wisely watched clips of Walking Dead on youtube all evening.

The next tale of my day was one of the best moments of my life. I await these kind of moments, as they happen only once in a lifetime and I have accepted it is very unlikely I will see it happen again. Let me lay down the facts so you can all read with jealousy. The morning session of school had ended and all the children had been picked up except one sweet little boy, who I absolutely adore. Anyway, the mother was about ten minutes late and ran up to the class door with an approximately seven month infant in her arms. She apologized and held the hand of her son to walk both children out of the classroom. While the baby was still in her arms, she looked down at her son, asking how his day was. I began to see the event unfold; slow enough for me to see what was going to happen, but fast enough that I could do nothing to prevent it. Outside of my class is a metal beam, supporting the overhang from roof to ground. With her head down, mom walked face-first into the pole, but the placement was just right that she also managed to smoke the baby's head too. Things that were awesome: the sound, her reaction, the baby's reaction, my TA's comment. First, the sound was a hollow vibration that drew everyone's attention to what had happened, then the mother rubbed the pole as if she hurt it, rather than rubbing her own skull or the child's. The baby was quiet for a bit and looked so shocked, then started wailing. As we approached to ask if she was ok, she sprinted off down the path so we could not do anything. Lastly, my TA turned to me and said, "that's not her child, that is a baby she child-minds for, she runs a daycare." Oh brother. At least if it were her child, she would have to suffer how little Timmy can't quite seem to do long-division when he gets older, but instead she will only have to listen to her friends complain that their angel has a mysterious dent on his forehead preventing him from ever becoming the next Gerber baby.  Two strikes: being late to pick up your own four year old and rocking a strangers' baby into a pole. Now, before you think I am heartless, we must also take into consideration that no one was actually seriously hurt, hence making it ok to laugh about in the privacy of my own home and with all of you on the internet. If she had broken something or dropped the baby, I would never have laughed or written it in a blog. I would have had the decency of giggling into my pillow and sharing it only in face-to-face conversation.

Lastly, today I finished the novel Wicked by Gregory Maguire and might I add, ho hum pigs bum. Sorry, no, that doesn't even begin to describe my dissatisfaction and boredom with this piece of future toilet paper. Normally it takes me two-to-three days to finish a book in England (don't forget the commute everyone) yet this novel took me nearly three weeks. I bet that really put it to scale for you. Some things to consider though, are that I was super pumped up to read it as everyone I have talked to about it, loved the book so much they could marry it. Also, advertisements for the musical are everywhere in Britain-land, so I thought the book would be decent enough to make into a play and whimsical enough to make into a musical. Continuing on, my teacher advisor last year told me she loved it so much because it was so funny...funny? Funny. Not funny in the slightest. As is, it would be considered more of a science fiction/dramatic piece than FUNNY. Finally, I probably shouldn't have read something about the Wizard of Oz being is I hated that movie and haven't watched it again since I was twelve. Maybe I would have more respect for the book if I liked the movie or had watched it recently. Anyway, if you have any book recommendations (and you are not one of the chumps who told me to read Wicked...just kidding, it couldn't be you as I have severed all ties with "those" people, blocking them from this site, and deleting them off facebook) send them along for me to read.

Author's Note: For those family members recently joining this blog/reading it, I hope you realize I am only kidding about how harsh I really am i.e. with head-banging babies and cutting ties with people with bad taste in books. In real life, I am much less harsh to people's faces.


(Again with the jokes)