The one that got away...almost.

Had a great party with Sam's friends for Halloween. I went as a peacock and must say I was proud of my costume. The party was so much fun and I loved how many Canadian girls there were! Sam has made quite a social network in London. I wish I was staying closer to her so it would be easier to get together. Some regrets from last night:
- copious drinks
- staying out until the wee hours of the morning

Results of my actions:
- 3 hours of sleep
- Intense stomach ache
- Bloating
- Assaulting a person's nostrils in the train (hence the name of the post)

Let me explain...I thought I was all clear and completely alone in the train car because I looked around repeatedly after the last stop. So the pressure in my stomach was at it's peak and I thought I could squeak one out before the next stop. Unfortunately, I was not alone, a man sat directly behind me and the chairs are so high in the train that he was also directly in my blind spot. After he coughed and sputtered a bit, we made it through.

I am all settled in my new place, the cleaning crew from Mom and Son Croatia Club, cleaned it today and did a fabbity-fab job. They even dusted the ledges on my windows. Mad skills. I also bought all these different sheets for a single bed, only to  realize that a single cannot be stretch over a double, even if you slightly slit the corners, ever so gently. I returned, shamed, to TK Maxx to get all new bedding.

Well that is all. PS if I don't skype you, it's because I just found out my pov internet USB stick from T Mobile can't handle the pressures of the high speed internet necessary for skype. It is probably how T-Pain invented auto-tune though...when I call someone I get all broken up and machine-like. So maybe I will try to skype people, only to record a new number one track.

Well I'm off to write my family a letter. Apparently that is my only form of communication now. It worked in WWI right?

Couch Crashing

SO I have been living on Samantha and Mark's couch for the past 4 days, with no end in sight. My flat aka the ol' shite hole has still not been cleaned. "The help" will not be available to clean it until Sunday now, as "Rosa" is out of town until Saturday. I have had to send some stern emails to explain my frustration. There is one ray of sunlight though, I should have my internet set up in the ol' shite hole tomorrow, so at least I will not be without the necessities when I arrive.
Mattress - no
Sheets - no
Lamps - no
Clothes hangers - no
Pillows - no
Internet - yes

Great success. Maybe by the year 2012, I will be settled in.

A Hungarian Girl in London

Today was the process of signing papers.
Went to the Hays office to finish my banking info and then went to the real estate agent to sign my life over to them for the next 6 months. I felt so accomplished because I located all the areas with ease and navigated through the streets like a real local. There was a definite bounce in my step as I set off, keys in hand, toward my new apartment.
The locals should have given me a red flag...

and by locals, I mean their mouths. The further away from the city centre I got, the less teeth people had. It got to the point that right on the corner of my street, a man was chompin' down a Big Mac with ONE snaggletooth in the front. I knew my apartment would be a gem too when I saw a giant pile of dog shit on my front stoop. Woo.

Anyway, the place was atrocious. There was no more pep in my step. The bed had stains, the sink didn't drain, the fridge on the inside was covered in mold, and the carpet had garbage/dirt all on it. Needless to say I slinked away to Sam's beautiful apartment in London. Luckily, the landlord was awesome and said he would get a cleaner in tomorrow to fix it all up before I moved in. I will be lingering on Sam's couch, much to Mark's happiness, for a little while longer!

Babies, Trains, and Cabbies

Got onto the plane without a problem, wandering to my seat and readjusting the contents of my carry on a few thousand times. I snuggled into my window seat and noticed that my seat mates hadn't shown yet. I was so excited to sprawl out, hoping that no one would occupy the other two seats beside me, giving me free range of bathroom access. Unfortunately, they showed last minute. I sat cuddled next to a three year old and her mother. The baby's feet were in my lap most of the time, with the exception of the wee hours of the morning, when her head finally collapsed, exhausted against my shoulder.

I got off the plane, collected my luggage and proceeded to the trains. After confirming 20 times with the lady at the counter that I had to take the train on platform four, it turns out it was the wrong train. I found out after an hour of steady riding. I had to hop on 6 separate trains to get home...with 75 pounds of luggage.

Lastly I arrived at the charming Clapham Junction. I went to the cab park and asked the taxi man (who I will now refer to as the heartless, hateful, devil man) if he knew how to get me to Sam's house. His response: "we will find it together." I should have been tipped off by the snake tattoo on his forearm, beady eyes, and the fact that he made me wait for him to finish his cigarette before loading my bags. I disappointed myself really, normally I am much more judgemental than that. Anyway, he drove me around the block several times then pulled over to check a map. When I enquired if he was going to keep the meter running, the heartless, hateful, devil man started yelling "not made of money are you princess? Can't wait for me to look something up, well I am afraid I can't help you." He got out of the cab, threw my 75 pounds of luggage into the street and pulled away. Devestation.

I had to navigate my way back to the taxi park, and start again. If you thought, hey maybe it would be easy to roll a suitcase along a cobblestone street, you are wrong. Also thank god heartless, hateful, devil man didn't ask me to pay after he threw his little baby fit, because he had run the meter up to almost £10. I paid the new cab driver only £4...he knew where he was going.

Lessons learned: babies make comfy but noisy seat partners, train ticket sales ladies are cunning tricksters, and never get in a cab with a man who says "we'll be able to find the street together."
All around, succesful fail at my first solo travel experience. This trip is shaping up to being an entire box-set of episodes, rather than just a season of Seinfeld.

I'm on my way

Today I make the big flight by myself to London, England.
Things I am looking forward to:
- reading a book and relaxing on the plane
- having some time alone
- feeling like an accomplished human being, compared to the sloth I have been for the past month
-watching movies on the plane
-sitting in a window seat to see the sky, etc... also prime head positioning for slumbers.

Things I am not looking forward to:
- sitting beside a sweaty/smelly person (potential)
- navigating my way through the London airport alone
- sitting in a window seat (bathroom usage is a minimum...peeing in my carry-on is definite)
- Not having internet/phone when I land, so if I am approached by bandits, I will have to fend them off myself.

My mom has of course given me detailed advice to survive during these times:
- say excuse me to those I sit beside when having to go to the bathroom on the plane...obv.
- don't tell strangers I am a tourist
- ask for help when I can
- don't leave bags unattended
-print out maps/train scheds, etc.

What my mom couldn't have told me but Criminal Minds luckily stepped in for her:
- don't help small children who claim they are lost...their father is waiting in a van outside to kill you
- don't help the handi-capable get into a van/lift their wheelchair into a van...they will push you into their vehicle, paralyze you, then dress you as a doll until they kill you
- don't go with someone who has a "record deal" for you...they will record you singing then kill you
- don't dye my hair blonde...someone will abduct me, kill me, and dump me in a river
- don't go for a jog...a group of cult followers will kidnap me, force me to be a part of their ritual, then keep my skull as a trophy
- don't go into the woods...death
- don't go onto a subway...murder
- don't answer the door to your apartment ... killers

Thanks Criminal Minds. I might just stay home now. Oh well, off I go. If you don't hear from me in a few days, send in the dogs or stay tuned to Criminal Minds, Wednesdays at 9pm on CTV.

Leaving on a Jetplane

So people have told me I have to start this blog while I am away to chronicle all of the mishappenings that occur to me. I am basically George Costanza in spirit, so there is guaranteed to be ridiculous times. I leave in three days and am gone for at least a year to Reading, England. 


Godspeed and see you on the other side.