Hair Bandit

During my very busy week off from school (not) I did what I typically do, which is watch Lauren Conrad's beauty tutorial website. For anyone as self-involved as myself, it is quite a great website which teaches you how to do new hairstyles, makeup, nails, etc. This has left me trying new hairstyles every day to test out around the house. Unfortunately I live with Hair Bandit Bond, who doesn't seem to realize the importance of not touching hair once "done." "Done" hair can look like "undone" or "not done" hair, however "done" hair has taken a considerable amount of time to perfect. May it be a Waterfall Braid or Just-Up-From-Bed-Curls, within minutes of encountering said Bandit, my hair is fluffed, scratched, and left unkempt.

Sometimes I wonder what the point is. Then I just rebrush and retry. Life is hard.

Shitmunchers

Bond and I conveniently live right across from a Sainsbury's (our Zehrs) so we tend to shop quite regularly for groceries (daily). Which is quite pathetic because instead of ever planning ahead, we pop in every night to buy our evening meal. I am still getting used to the ins and outs of the country and all the social norms that no one has ever set out for me. My most recent life lesson has been about the types of brands you should or should not be purchasing from the grocery store.

I did a shop by myself and purchased some grapefruit in a can (I always have fresh ones, so don't judge, but that day I thought it might be nice to switch it up and pour them over some porridge or something). Well I opened it up and it seemed a bit skunky. Bond told me to never buy Sainsbury's Basics because it is never the best quality.

The next day I went back to Sainsbury's (of course) for some brown sugar. When I got to the sugar aisle, the only brand I could find was Sainsbury's. So I returned with my head hung and tail between my legs to report back to Bond that I had to buy the crap stuff. He looked at it and said that Sainbury's brand was ok to buy, it's just "never buy Sainbury's Basics. Sainbury's Basics is so the shitmunchers can afford to do their weekly shop. There are different levels of Sainbury's brands."

Hilarious. Only in England would a class system be so ingrained that even the names of the food brands denote where you stand in life. Further, for the lowest class to be defined as shitmunchers is even better. Britains version of the Untouchables. Oh brother.

Hibernation

Well it has been a long time since I've written anything for my loyal readers. I would like to say I have been so busy that I literally haven't had time, but let's be serious; I am living in another country away from the major things that would take up my time in Canada, and we all know I have just smashed another season of True Blood. SO I am not really all that busy. Truthfully, the writing bug just hasn't really bit me until now. I am much happier when I am writing, so I will try to keep it up to date more. Some people already know that I have taken the major leap and moved in with someone, a boy...wooooo *snicker snicker. So I guess I have been relatively busy in my time away from writing. Many ridiculous moments have also occurred, so let me summarize:

1. Every day I am usually running slightly behind to work. This leaves me almost in a near jog when I get off the tube and have to trek the remaining distance by foot. Well lately, there has been a woman with a baby carriage whom I will refer to as bitch  nemesis, who also walks the same path as me. This fine lady takes up the entire sidewalk, leaving me the grooves in the sidewalk for proper rain drainage to tramps through. I have become more bold with this walk and sometimes even give a small pfft as I pass her. Well it all came to a head last week as I was particularly late and my jog was nearly a sprint. I was approaching her quite fast from the rear, when she caught me out of the corner of her eye and sped up. I wasn't going to take that. Ever. What can only be described as a drag-race on foot began, where we were both neck in neck going down the hill toward my school. It was particularly ridiculous, as neither of us could run because that would clearly admit to a race, instead of a gentlemanly jaunt. Both of us were powerwalking in such a manner that my elbows were perfectly perpendicular to the pavement and my arse muscles were taut. She did manage to pick up her pace, slightly faster than my short hobbit legs and broke ahead. I reached my school gate feeling defeated, however the greatest sense of pride gripped my chest when she stopped dead a few paces ahead of me. She had to turn her buggy AROUND as she had missed her turn! What larks! She had got so caught up that she stupidly had to backtrack our battleground to hang her head in shame. Katie - 1, Carriage Clown - 0.

2. I seem to have many nemesis...nemesises...nemesi...enemies in life, and none from my own doing, however luckily my next one is an inanimate object. Everyday I work through my recess and lunch break (woop woop teacher of the year award) leaving me only 30 seconds to run down the corridor, into the bathroom, unleash, and return to the playground before my class gets called in for lessons. Well this means I constantly forget that the toiletpaper dispenser isn't properly attached to the wall of the stall. This causes a series of curses to spring forth from my mouth every time I try to rip off a strip of tp, as the casing rips off the wall and the toilet roll flies onto the floor of the bathroom...yuck. Similar to the Arrested Development scene with the cornballer, it gets me everytime.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJe6jg5gHtk

Anyway, I will be returning to Canada very soon with my new roommate, James Bond, to celebrate Christmas with fam and friends. More updates to come.