Things I Never Want to See People Do In Public…or Ever.

I realise that many of my blog posts take on the format of a list, so I will be trying to revisit my grade six education and rock the persuasive letter.

Dear Strangers,

I am writing you in an attempt to dissuade you from continuing the following behaviours in public, semi-public, or even in the privacy of your own homes. It is my aim for you to fully comprehend the level of disgust I reach when witnessing these behaviours which in turn will impact your actions.

The following are non-negotiable actions; nose-picking/blowing, eating on public transport, and couples arguing. Actions up for debate and consultation; sneezing, loud open-mouth coughing, and groups of teenagers.

As we are in the midst of cold season, several times in the past week I have had to bear witness to even the politest of strangers, blow their nose on the train. A tissue is not a shield. In fact, it is thinner than paper. The act of "blowing" with a tissue actually draws my eye much as a cape would to a bull. I am also finding that said blowing, is usually followed by a "pick-to-clear-out" act. We all see you. None of us want to. Please politely sniffle silently until you can remove yourself from the group. Nose picking is similar to nose blowing, however there is not even the false pretense of a shield. I recommend we cull these individuals, as clearly they have not been successfully integrated into society and it is likely they never will be rehabilitated. 

We all know we have to eat. However, when people feel compelled to do this on a jostling locomotive, others can be put off. Further, if the food has an odour in an area where there should not be, a rage begins to brew. Food is completely necessary, but only in contexts which have been deemed socially acceptable. Early morning train journeys are one such example of an unacceptable context. Please keep your odours and food splashes away from the rest of us.

Next, in pairs, arguing is inevitable. Becoming upset with someone over something in public is also very likely. What people  therefore see as the completely acceptable "public argument" is not. We all already hate you because you have found someone who has chosen to spend their life or some future, with you. Let's not make it worse by biting the hand that feeds you. It's similar to eating a feast in front of someone starving then sending the food away because it's overcooked. Also, I am unsure if you know this, but no matter who is in the right, no one looks like a good person when fighting in public. In fact, you both look like spiteful individuals. Mob mentality therefore sparks, and the evil inside us all just wants to egg you on until a punch is thrown. You might even hear a faceless stranger from the back of the crowd pipe up, "are you going to let him talk to you like that?" A commonly known statistic that I am sure you are aware of is, "arguments in public are escalated 1000% more times than that of those instigated and resolved at home." It's basic math and also common sense.

Now these are just a few issues that cannot be contested, so please refrain from doing them immediately. The following are issues that you may want to contact me about for future discussion. I doubt you'll gain any footing, but god speed.

98% of the time, people are ugly when sneezing. All sneezes can be minimised through a simple pinching of the nose. It seems like an obvious answer. 

Did you know coughing is contagious? I read an article about "germs" the other day and it was mind-blowing. Apparently, these invisible things can fly from your mouth into the air and be breathed in by others around you. I have found in my own personal experience that the louder and more aggressive the cough, the more ill you actually are. It is still up for debate, and I am willing to hear your opinions on why we should not be covering our loud coughs in public but again, seems hard to contest. 

Finally, groups of teenagers should not be allowed to congregate. This is up for discussion as I know peer groups are very important to youth to keep them from drugs, alcohol and bad choices, however I am still just not sure. Sometimes it is hard for me to digest two teens speaking around me about their non-issues, let allow 4+ running riot on my train to work. The more of them there are in an area, the louder and ruder they seem to become. Let me know your thoughts.

In conclusion, a rare combination of science, statistics, and social facts has been presented in this letter in hopes that you have a revelation in your lifestyle. I am certain I have myself once been a perpetrator, however when presented with similar facts at the fresh age of seven by my family, I was able to make a change for the better. Let's all make the world a better place through small changes.

Regards,

Katie Fraser-Thomas
Concerned Citizen

Juice Master

About three weeks ago, I started the Juice Master Diet Cleanse. It is a complete juice detox that lasted seven days. To all you that say this isn't healthy…shut up. Let me also say that if you knew what I had been eating leading up to this detox, you wouldn't think it's nearly as bad.

In the book it suggests that you might feel some side effects in the first few days of the cleanse i.e. headaches, stomachaches, or crying in the shower. The biggest mini struggle I had to deal with is cravings. You have no idea how many different kinds of restaurants and foods you smell during a day while walking around, until you are starving.

At school, we have to eat with the children in the dinner hall. When juicing, this is the ultimate test. I know that Jesus faced some hard times in the desert, but I would take those 40 days with a serpent over watching a fussy eater pick at their fish and chips. Several shouts of "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EAT THAT?!?" could probably have been heard down the hall. The kids did find my juicing quite amusing as I had a strict schedule of when I had to choke down these life sustainers. Once, a particularly nasty one made me gag and do a full body quiver when I was leading a shared writing table. The children then asked to all have a sniff of what I was drinking. After about the sixth child, I thought, maybe this isn't such a good idea. They are breathing all their little kiddie germs straight into the toxic brew I need to swallow to stay alive.

Well after a week, I made it and had shed several pounds as well. I do recommend it to anyone as it was the best I had felt in a long time and you are guaranteed results after only 7 days. The best part is it is a lifestyle changer if you want it to be, so I have been able to maintain and continue to trim down even after coming off the strict cleanse. If you want to jumpstart a diet or a life change, look into Jason Vale, his books will degrade you just enough to get you motivated but not as much to make you want to eat your feelings.